Bratislava, Slovakia - Je to Little Big Mesta

Bratislava, Slovensko. Prvým mestom tejto cesty, kde som naozaj myslel, "mierime, kde ???". Jej nie je vysoká v priemere Austrálie do zoznamu turistických hotspotov. Možno pár factiods Bratislava by pomohlo. Jeho hlavné mesto Slovensko, "ďalší kúsok" z bývalého Československa. Jej jediným xxkm je od hlavného mesta Rakúska, Viedne, takže dva svety najbližšie dvojicu hlavných miest. Obsahuje najväčšie pošta na svete. OK, vec, o to pošta, je to obrovská sovietskej éry administratívne budovy, cez cestu od stekajú praskanie, na ktoré sa vzťahuje graffiti, mramor plátované, prakticky opustené, park. Vnútri pošta, je to šialené eskalátor. Možno ste videli jeden z movies.There je neustále pohybujú sa drevený panel s malou drevenou platformou skejtu každých pár sekúnd. Práve ste na hop, jedna osoba súčasne. Žiadne dvere. To sa nikdy nezastaví. Nikdy. Teraz som docela odbočil od factoids, tak som sa jednoducho povedať, vám flush sovietskej éry toalety v Bratislave ťahom tlačidla nahor. Ak ste inštalatér, alebo ste niekedy pevné dunnie, budete automaticky si uvedomil, ako kurva inteligentný, že je. Stačí, keď si myslíš "Fíha, Rusi sú nejchytřejší ľudia na zemi!", Pozdĺž príde miestnej rozhlasovej stanice, umiestnená v obrátený ihlan. Vezmeme-27 rokov na vybudovanie, väčšina inefficent využitie peňazí a priestoru v dejinách architektúry určite vyzerá fantasticky, ale nemôžem si pomoct, ale myslím, to je veľa úsilia iba pre jednu stanicu governent radio tryskanie out propaganda na pár hodín denne.

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Prague, Czech Republic - Against the Very Spirit of the Jew

Prague, Czech Republic, known as the fairytale city. The blend of architecture in and around Prague is world renown. Possibly the most typically European city there is, Praha is centuries old authentic European living street scape. Cubist, Gothic, Baroque, Romanesque, and myriad more architectural styles blend right in with what was my first glimpse of mid-late 20th century Soviet era architecture. Understandably, of any city I have been to, this is the most tourist infested, by a long shot. Thousands of tourists wander in a daze around all of the old-town sights, such as the the astronomical clock and the Tyn Church, for me, the definitive fairytale building. The Jewish cemetery, which is apparently quite spectacular, I had to give a miss. "Phillipa. That's about twenty bucks each to get in. Now tell me, do ya think many Jews would hand over twenty bucks to visit a cemetery? Its a moral thing for me. It would be against the very spirit of the Jew, the very essence and fibre of a Jews being, to pay to see a Jewish cemetery. Fuck that.". I aint no schmuck.

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Apeldoorn, The Netherlands - A Retarded Midget Dragged a Suitcase Onto the Dancefloor

Apeldoorn, The Netherlands. Our time in Holland was spent mainly around the city of Apeldoorn, in the state of Gelderling. My mother lives there. When I meet dutch people, I always mention that my mother lives in Apeldoorn. Without exception, the reply is always along the lines of how beautiful it is in Apeldoorn. If you know the dutch, you know they don't bullshit. They are so fucking honest its brutal. A dutch person sugar coating a reply happens about as often as a scotish jew paying full recommended retail price. So, yes, Apeldoorn is beautiful. It made the news last year when some pyscho drove through a royal parade, killing eight people. Last time I was there, at a local night-club, a retarded midget dragged a suitcase onto the dancefloor, and layed it flat. A hand emerged from the suit case, through the zipper, and unzipped the suitcase. A dude in a red and white adidas tracksuit emerged from inside the suitcase, began body poppin to some fresh Electro, and the retarded midget started doing backflips across the stage. I mean, if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know about Apeldoorn, I can't spell it out any more clearer than that.

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Copenhagen, Denmark - Danish Design, God Damn It's Fine

Copenhagen, Denmark. One of my heroes in life is Jan Gehl, Copenhagen native, Danish architect, and urban planner. Gehl has made his mark by car-hating. I mean, he fucking hates cars. If it was up to Jan, in all large civilised, cities, everybody would either ride a bike, catch public transport, or walk. Copehagen has been Copehagenised by Gehl over the last few decades. This essentially means bringing life into the city by making it bike and pedestrian friendly. As simple as that. He mentioned that when first suggesting to the Copenhagen-ites his idea of cars being eliminated from certain areas, so that restaurants can put out tables and chairs in the sun, the response was "we're not Italians". Fast forward to 2010, Copenhagen-ites are alfresco-ing like its Ferragosto in Milan. One of the first impressions I had of Copenhagen was how quiet is was. Not devoid of people, but for how busy certain areas were, the lack of car noise was distinctly surreal. Jan was onto something. I may be biased, given that Phillipa has Danish hertitage, but, I think the whole idea of pretty girls riding bikes through Copenhagen is spectacular.

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Sweden - People Appear to Like Camping and Caravaning

Sweden. You know,  there's a club that exists for people who have visited one hundred countries. The only membership requirement is that you have been to one hundred or more internationally recognised nations. I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of the club is, but I know they don't have many members. They do have a website, and seem to have regular meetups, members only. On this holiday, Sweden represented only the 11th country we have visited. I only took three photos in Sweden. It was just a gateway between Denmark and Norway. The most amazing thing I saw was the Øresund Bridge and Drogden Tunnel system crossing the Øresund Straight (love those Ø's) between Copenhagen, Denmark, and Malmo, Sweden. What a project. I would have killed to be at the kick-off meeting where this idea was raised. "OK, guys, since there's a small island in the middle of the Øresund Straight, lets build a bridge from Sweden to the island, make it a fucking high suspension bridge with a curve or two in it, then... shut up Svën, I'm talking here... then we'll just make it curve gently down into the middle of the island, into a tunnel...Fjhljǿgkën, stay with me man, I'm nearly done.... a tunnel that goes...maybe like beneath the ocean rest of the way, finally emerging in Denmark! BØØ YÄH! BRING IT! YØU GØT NØTHIN' BJËRKËNSËN!"

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Germany - I Can't Agree With the Holocaust

Germany was to me, the Autobahn and the Bauhaus. The best road system on earth delivered us to one of the best buildings on earth. Lengthy discussion of what makes the Autobahn so good isn't necessary. No speed limits, thats all. I feel all tingly just thinking about it. You don't ever need to look at your speedo. Just look ahead, and go as fast as you like. If you happen to be driving a cheap French rent-a-car, that's about 180. Road works ahead! Signs indicate to slow down to 120! Amazing. Most people have heard about the autobahn, and its smile inducing reputation. Driving on the autobahn, and seeing for the first time, the road sign that indicated speeds were now unlimited... well, it sends a shiver down your spine. In that moment, my faith and optimism in humanity was strengthened in a way that has never happened before. Germany may in fact be the most logical, efficient, and advanced society that the planet has ever seen. If only I had time to download the Hitler GPS voice pack and remembered to pack my Kraftwerk CD, it would have been the most perfect moment of my life.

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Paris, France - They Just Call it Onion Soup in France

Paris, France. Misconceptions about Paris are many. Parisians are, almost without exception, friendly. Foot paths are not covered with dog shit, although in many parts of Paris a faint scent of piss lingers alongside the smell of freshly baked bread. Not a big problem, because in here, the pros have it all over the cons. Paris really is a city where I would be happy to grow old. It crossed my mind more than once, perhaps I could get a job at a french tobac, selling Gauloisses and Le Monde. Then, I could live out my days eating the single most delicous pastries on earth. How hard could it be, for an Australian to blend seemlessly into the tapestry of everyday life in the French capital? Growing up on a steady diet of Hogans Heroes and Warner Brothers, I'm more than capable of a French accent at least as believable as Pepé Le Pew or Corporal Louis LeBeau. My days would be filled being expectedly obnoxious to Paris hop on hop off tourists. Allo! Ros-bif! This is not a li-brair-ree! Buy some theeng or go a-way! Putain de merde! C'est des conneries!. By night, eating leek pies and drinking red wine, I would take up one of the classic Parisian past-times, like spray painting graffiti on cars, or tagging neo-classical french buildings. From my juliette balcony, with the eiffel tower splitting the horizon at sunset, I would ponder life in one of the great cultural metropolises of the world.

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